how to accidentally write a story

[buggery]

Over the weekend, I was chatting with jamjar, and -- as will happen in DCU fandom -- an innocuous discussion of archery turned dirty.

jamjar: I'm trying to find out what Ollie pulls
buggery: some obscene number.
Jam: ...on his bow
Jack: heh, heh. i figured.
Jam: really, it should be obvious, because the answer for the other kind of pull is pretty much *everyone*
Jack: AHAHAHA
Jack: there are other possible answers.
Jam: yeah?
Jack: for example:
ollie pulls on his balls while he's jerking off.
Jam: I hadn't thought of that
Jack: ollie pulls dinah's skirt up as he drops to his knees.
Jack: ollie pulls the covers back up and tucks roy in afterwards.
Jack: see?
Jam: yes, yes I do
Jam: very clearly
Jam: These are good things to be seeing
Jam: Ollie pulls Roy and Dick out from the back seat, saying "you can do that in the batmobile!"
Jack: EEHEEHEEHEE
Jam: Roy pulls Connor out of the closet
Jack: this is better than the crack-generator game!
Jam: Words association!
Jack: COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, CONNOR.
Jam: OR AT LEAST LET PEOPLE MAKE OUT WITH YOU IN THERE
Jam: Roy is okay with being in the closet with Connor
Jack: AWWWWWWWWW
Jack: and it works with any archer!
Jam: as long as he gets to grope him at the same time
Jack: connor pulls roy close.
Jam: Roy pulls... less than Ollie
Jack: HA
Jam: Heh. Ollie and Roy are helping Connor with training...
Jam: So Connor pulls more than he used to
Jack: ::diiiiies::
Jack: ::still thinking about the other archers::
Jack: cissie pulls away from the kiss just long enough to tip cassie onto the bed.
Jam: Cassie wishes Cissie pulled like she used to
Jack: BEE HEE
Jam: Cissie and Mia compete to see who can pull the most
Jam: Mia pulls more than Connor, but less than Roy
Jack: Mia pulls on the close-fitting armour, looks in the mirror, and says "I don't know, Starfire, I'm not sure Tamaranean fashion really suits me..."
Jam: Hah!
Jam: *Connor* pulls on the close-fitting armour, looks in the mirror, and says...
Jack: 'hey, do you think i look like ryand'r?'
Jack: roy: 'well, you don't look heterosexual...'
Jam: "Starfire, I think I can put on the jock by myself."
Jack: dick: *pulls out a framed photo of joey wilson in tamaranean armour*
Jam: ...
Jack: YOU KNOW HE HAS ONE
Jam: now that's just wrong
Jam: yes, but I was trying to repress!
Jack: dick/joey 4EVAR, yo.
Jack: also joey/dick/ryand'r threesome
Jam: Ollie and Roy pull out their lists of past conquests/conquerors and compare.
Jam: Roy: "...One degree of separation? That's the most?"
Jack: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Jack: ollie '...if you suggest we just sleep together and get it over with, i will punch you.'
Jam: "and it still beats the batfamily."
Jam: Roy: "...Aw."
Jack: roy: 'you do have that habit of punching people you *want* to sleep with...'
Jam: Mia: "...Aw."
Jam: Connor. "May I suggest a compromise?"
Jam: he does?
Jack: well, he has a habit of punching MEN he wants to fuck.
Jack: hal being the prime, but far from the only, example
Jam: Hal doesn't count
Jam: Hal's a given
Jam: ...suddenly looking at the encounter with Brick in a new and disturbing light
Jack: but see, that just proves my point.
Jack: we know ollie wants hal. yet ollie punches hal in the face.
Jack: clear sublimation.
Jam: yes, obvious
Jack: ::avoids thinking about brick/anyone::
Jam: You started it!
Jam: I did love that issue
Jack: i was thinking more like when ollie goes to gotham and decks bruce by way of hello.
Jam: Ollie being-- Ollie
Jam: yes
Jam: Well, it's Bruce
Jam: you know he likes Ollie
Jam: and Plas
Jam: Bruce *loves* a certain Mr O'Brian
Jam: which makes complete sense to me
Jack: la la la la la
Jam: No! Because Eel is all bright and cheerful and deliberate comic relief!
Jam: And he's a thug that genuinely reformed and became all good and *light-side-of-the-force*! Which has got to appeal to Bruce
Jam: And he's a hero because he chooses to be, not for revenge or angst or whatever
Jam: But also, Bruce loves Ollie
Jack: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
Jam: Ollie does not know this
Jack: bruce doesn't love ollie. he is, fascinated, however, by the way ollie's beard always smells faintly of pussy.
Jam: But Dick and Roy suspect it
Jam: ....
Jam: There's a Selina joke in there, dying to come out
Jack: bruce's nostrils flare, and he nearly says, 'selina?' as he turns.

it's green arrow. he winks behind his mask, and licks his lips.

'thought i'd let you know i was in town.'

bruce just narrows his own eyes.

'what's the matter -- cat got your tongue?'
Jam: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jack: ollie is, of course, DYING to say, 'she sure got mine' but not so badly he actually wants to DIE at bruce's hands.
Jam: oh my
Jam: andthentheyhavesexshutupthey*do*
Jack: mmmmmm
Jack: feel free to write that.
Jam: ollie leaves town not sure how he lost when sleeping with Selina should trump *everything*

The story I accidentally wrote (I didn't even realise it fit the format *and* worked as a story until I was formatting this to post) is one of those eleven-word microdrabbles I've admired when others pulled them off and found the prospect of trying to attempt daunting. Nevertheless, here it is, with the chat conversation trimmed away:
Ollie pulls the covers back up and tucks Roy in afterwards.

N.B. If you've written a story for comica_obscura, consider this porny silliness your reward. (And if you're working on a story for the challlenge and not done yet, I won't tell anyone you're procrastinating.)

Comments

[caiusmajor.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha. Those archers.

*runs right back to comica_obscura fic*

[brownbetty]

You're my heroes. Someday I hope to be that porny.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

Heh, funny things and good ideas :)

[derryderrydown.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

*snerk*snerk*

*giggles madly*

(Oh, and Ollie pulls 120lb, just to answer the original point. *g*)

[zing_och.livejournal.com]

Hehe. Very nice.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Hee, good Caia.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

I'm a superhero! Woot!

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::snugs Adam::

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::also giggles::

And... 120? That is obscene, just as I surmised.

::thinks about Ollie's arm muscles bulging as he draws his bow taut and then doesn't let fly immediately, keeping the arrow trained on his target, waiting, a bead of sweat running down his cheek moving more than Ollie himself is::

See? Totally obscene. Pure PORN.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::takes a bow::

[petronelle.livejournal.com]

You're insane, and it's very charming.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::snugs you::