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Holy given up for lost, Batman -- it's new fanfiction from the Jack!
So I realised recently that it's been over a year since I posted any fic here. Granted, I've been largely gafiated, and also mostly not writing (you didn't think I was writing and hoarding it all away to myself, I hope), but still. The main purpose of this LJ is inflicting sharing my fanfic with the world.
Somewhat more recently, it's occurred to me that 1 April is a fine day for posting humorous stories. (Not prank stories; I'm inclined to look on a tradition based on Christian disdain for pre-Christian traditions with a jaundiced eye.) It lets me get into the spirit of fun that's come to be associated with the day without feeling like I'm marginalising anyone.
And in that spirit, I present:
Auld Lang Syne
"Selina?"
She sighs, and doesn't so much turn as put her back to the wall. "I'd tell you you shouldn't sneak up on a gal like that..."
"--If you hadn't known exactly where and who I was?"
"You always were a bright kid."
"So, um..."
She folds her arms, and raises her eyebrows.
"Uh. Would it be okay if we" -- he gestures at the door -- "went inside?"
"Ah, so it isn't public-hallway conversation."
He opens his mouth, but she's already turned to unlock the door.
"Come on in, then," she says, tipping her fingers back over one shoulder to signal 'follow.'
Inside, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and paces a circuit through her living room. He isn't even looking at the decor; she pretends not to be affronted.
"Should I get you a drink? Or are you going to get around to what you came here for on your own?"
"No, thanks, I--" He breaks off and riffles a hand through his hair, then turns and walks up to her. "Selina, I... I want... Would you tie me up?"
She can't remember the last time she was actually at a complete loss for words.
"For old times' sake," he adds, earnest as ever.
She takes a deep breath. "Listen, Man Wonder, even if I thought that was a good idea -- which I am *not* saying -- I am definitely not the person to... help you. With that."
He starts to move closer. She stops him with the tips of her fingers on his chest.
She starts to think how all of them seem to always act as though her fingertips are actually clawed, and then forces that thought *away*.
"Please, Selina..."
"Honey. I understand that you've had an awfully hard year." The breath that escapes her isn't quite a laugh. "And that's *saying* something, for you." She considers letting her palm rest on his chest, then thinks better of it. "But. I am really, really not the right person to help you work out your... ah... *parent* issues."
"Oh, god." He takes a step back, clapping a hand to his face as hers falls away. "You and Bruce are back together again, aren't you!"
It's just not fair that he facepalmed first. She settles for pinching the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, because *that's* the whole reason I would say no..."
* * *
"Amy?"
[end]
*
Edited to add: Several people audienced this story for me, back before I nearly forgot to post it. I cannot remember who they are, because I suck, but if they remind me in comments, I will give credit where it's due.
It's only logical: Not all DCU fic by the Jack is humour
It's also logical: Not all Jack's fanfiction is DCU-based
Somewhat more recently, it's occurred to me that 1 April is a fine day for posting humorous stories. (Not prank stories; I'm inclined to look on a tradition based on Christian disdain for pre-Christian traditions with a jaundiced eye.) It lets me get into the spirit of fun that's come to be associated with the day without feeling like I'm marginalising anyone.
And in that spirit, I present:
Auld Lang Syne
"Selina?"
She sighs, and doesn't so much turn as put her back to the wall. "I'd tell you you shouldn't sneak up on a gal like that..."
"--If you hadn't known exactly where and who I was?"
"You always were a bright kid."
"So, um..."
She folds her arms, and raises her eyebrows.
"Uh. Would it be okay if we" -- he gestures at the door -- "went inside?"
"Ah, so it isn't public-hallway conversation."
He opens his mouth, but she's already turned to unlock the door.
"Come on in, then," she says, tipping her fingers back over one shoulder to signal 'follow.'
Inside, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and paces a circuit through her living room. He isn't even looking at the decor; she pretends not to be affronted.
"Should I get you a drink? Or are you going to get around to what you came here for on your own?"
"No, thanks, I--" He breaks off and riffles a hand through his hair, then turns and walks up to her. "Selina, I... I want... Would you tie me up?"
She can't remember the last time she was actually at a complete loss for words.
"For old times' sake," he adds, earnest as ever.
She takes a deep breath. "Listen, Man Wonder, even if I thought that was a good idea -- which I am *not* saying -- I am definitely not the person to... help you. With that."
He starts to move closer. She stops him with the tips of her fingers on his chest.
She starts to think how all of them seem to always act as though her fingertips are actually clawed, and then forces that thought *away*.
"Please, Selina..."
"Honey. I understand that you've had an awfully hard year." The breath that escapes her isn't quite a laugh. "And that's *saying* something, for you." She considers letting her palm rest on his chest, then thinks better of it. "But. I am really, really not the right person to help you work out your... ah... *parent* issues."
"Oh, god." He takes a step back, clapping a hand to his face as hers falls away. "You and Bruce are back together again, aren't you!"
It's just not fair that he facepalmed first. She settles for pinching the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, because *that's* the whole reason I would say no..."
* * *
"Amy?"
[end]
*
Edited to add: Several people audienced this story for me, back before I nearly forgot to post it. I cannot remember who they are, because I suck, but if they remind me in comments, I will give credit where it's due.
It's only logical: Not all DCU fic by the Jack is humour
It's also logical: Not all Jack's fanfiction is DCU-based
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And also, yay.
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Also, that was fabulous! ♥
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I would love to be able to tell you that.
Unfortunately, this is *Dick* -- which is to say, he probably snuck up on her in the BPD parking garage or a dark alleyway and is lucky he didn't get shot.
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Still makes me make THAT noise. Like a donkey fucking an owl, I believe.
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Don't give me that mental image! They don't *make* owls that *big*!
No, a really small donkey does not make it okay. A burrito is acceptable however.
(<3 gang sign)
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now that was sweet in ways which has *nothing* to do sugary and sticky and goo-y.
Tight.
and AMY!!!
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As for Amy... I needed to end with him going to someone after Selina and trying his bondage request out on them. Taking into account both how Dick's mind works, and opportunities for comedy gold, Amy was clearly the best choice.
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This is a story that had its inception in Te and me just goofing off doing voices, ad-libbing conversations in character. We actually do rather a lot of that, but most of it never gets written down. This particular scenario struck me as too funny *not* to write down.
I didn't make the icon, I just captioned it. And I see your quadruple-Dick icon and raise you Golden Age Dick...
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ps: HI JACK! :D
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PS HI A RED (:
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Glad I could make you flail and shriek!
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Seriously, you made me choke on laughter.
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I mean, poor Dick. Really. Needs pettins.
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::snuggles you::
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Past a certain point, having Dick go through the motions of the scenario with inappropriate person after inappropriate person becomes more tedious than humorous. I prefer to avoid the risk of the former, even if it means missing the opportunity for more of the latter.
On the other hand, it sort of writes itself, doesn't it? So you have my permission to write the Amy sequel, provided you begin with,
"Amy?"
as your first paragraph, and end with a cutscene to Dick saying just the name of whoever he goes to after Amy turns him down.
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You just know Selina wanted a really stiff drink after Dick left.
Poor Amy.
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...man, I suck.
After Dick left, Selina was torn between wanting to go to Bruce and have him help her to put it out of her mind, go to Bruce and scratch his eyes out, and go far away and never look back at Gotham again.
And Amy's a big girl. She can handle Dick.
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Also, the last word damn near killed me with glee.
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::pouncehugs::
Glee good, dead Ny bad, k?
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*is happily undead*
(Oh, wait.)
(Braaaaaaains.)no subject
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*snugs the fic and, maybe, licks it*
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Te's andmy business.no subject
all threeboth of us in one room doing private buisnessy things...no subject
Why do I now have a vision of Dick awkwardly making his way through the DCU? ("Kory? If you're there, pick up. Um, call me back. okaybye.")
Poor, poor Selina.