Crack-generator fic: Ladysitting

[buggery]

You all remember the crack generator, right? (That's the extra-cracktastic one with porn cliches like sex pollen and amnesia mixed in.) Well, Te and I were playing with it again.

I think 'both write a story based on the same generator result' is my new favourite version of the crack game...

Dick Grayson and/or Lois Lane ...encounter a spankbot


Ladysitting


'I know I can trust *you*, Dick,' Superman had whispered in his ear, 'but Lois, well... She's a reporter. It's her job to--'

'Snoop around?' Dick had said.

Superman had grinned, and given him a super-wink, almost too fast to see. 'To investigate things. And she sometimes forgets that she doesn't have to be working all the time.'

'So... you want me to keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn't go... *investigating* around where she shouldn't be.'

He'd gotten an even bigger, brighter grin, the kind that warmed Dick right up even when he wasn't in the Arctic circle. 'I'd really appreciate it, Robin,' Superman had said. And really, who could refuse Superman anything?

Lois Lane, apparently, as Dick has now discovered to his chagrin and discomfort.

Really, maybe one of them -- or all of them -- ought to have realised that chaperoning Ms Lane might be too much for even the Boy Wonder to handle. After all, Bruce himself had been eager to make his escape from her.

She'd been pressing him with questions about Arkham, of all things, when Superman had brought Dick back to the room Alfred would call the Fortress's foyer. Somebody else might have taken Bruce's curt, 'Enough. We have work to do,' as just his regular Batman grim-and-gruff act, but Dick knew better. Bruce had been practically desperate to get out of her clutches, stuck without the usual playboy-Bruce-Wayne tactics he usually used to deflect the press.

No sooner had Bruce taken Superman's elbow before the two of them had lifted up and gone into some upper level of the Fortress inaccessible to people who couldn't fly. Dick had given half a moment's thought to how he could reach the opening with a couple of well-places grapples, and nearly missed the way Ms Lane had all but dashed out of the room.

The Fortress didn't have tons of secrets just laying around, fortunately. Dick had come to appreciate that as he'd followed the intrepid reporter through chamber after chamber, parrying her sharp looks when he suggested that maybe she oughtn't to press unlabeled buttons, or asked what she was looking for in a drawer full of linens, with his best earnest-and-impressionable-youth expression.

But then she had found the door.

A *closed* door. Of course it had been an irresistible temptation for her.

Dick had decided to make a stand when she'd started trying to figure out the door's mechanism. It was surrounded by Kryptonian-language symbols in different colours, and she'd apparently -- and correctly -- deduced that touching one or more of the symbols would actually make the door open.

Unfortunately for Dick, he'd been between her and the door, arms outstretched, suggesting that the door was probably closed for a good *reason* when she had said, flippantly, 'If we weren't supposed to go in there the door would be locked,' and done something fateful out of sight above Dick's head.

She had gasped, 'Superman!' when the door opened and Dick had stumbled backwards through the opening. Dick had known as soon as the cold hand clamped round the back of his neck that it wasn't Superman at all.

Dick wasn't sure how the robot was managing to hold them both down. There were things he *was* sure of:

Ms Lane having her skirt flipped up was a worse indignity than his having his cape flipped up.

Ms Lane was squirming and crying out just as much as Dick was.

The robot was clearly programmed to be fair, as it was spanking them each in turn, and by the sound of it equally hard.

The robot was not clearly programmed to stop at any point, and certainly not when either of them cried out, 'Stop!'

Ms Lane was either too embarassed to call out to Superman for help -- it wasn't like he wouldn't be able to hear them, after all, since his super-hearing let him hear cries for help from halfway around the world -- or she was enjoying being spanked by a robot that looked exactly like Superman...

...Just as much as Dick was.

And he was finally managing to keep her out of trouble.


ENDY


Te's take on the same generator result is here.


all Gotham stories by the Jack
all DCU fanfiction by the Jack
all Jack's fanfiction, all fandoms

Comments

[thornsilver]

Poor Dick leads a strange strange life. :)

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Which he loves every minute of...

[thete1.livejournal.com]

*JOY*.

*looks up Lois' skirt*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

::also looks::

[notpoetry.livejournal.com]

*GLEE*

*reprograms the Superman spankbot to seek out and spank ALL Robins*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::basks::

That reprogramming is a fine idea.

*GLEE*

[reilael.livejournal.com]

My but that Dick is a glass-is-half-full type, isn't he? ;)

And I can't help but think of two oh so wrong fun reasons that Super(hearing)man didn't hear & rescue them:

1. Clark is far far too distracted by Bruce (he missed his boyfriend - superheros *do* have needs too, y'know) to pay any mind to the funny smacking & gasping noises.

2. Clark *can* indeed hear them, and he's enjoying every moment of it (the x-ray vision comes in handy too).

2b. The Bat was in on it (fiendish plan!) & is filming the whole thing. For posterity ('cause this is as close as Clark's gonna get to any Robin tail).

*snickering helplessly*

Re: *GLEE*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Dick is a boy of boundless optimism.

And gay.

3. All of the above!

[http://users.livejournal.com/__marcelo/]

or she was enjoying being spanked by a robot that looked exactly like Superman...

...Just as much as Dick was.

Yay! They can *bond* over something now.

Hum. I mean. Well, yes. That, too.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

They can *bond* over something now.

::cackling:: Bondage would add a certain something to this scenario...

[petronelle.livejournal.com]

This is very cute. It reads like a lost story from back in The Day. Except rather dirtier. Aww.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Silver Age crack was the purest crack, it's true.

Why haven't you been around on AIM? I have something for you...

[mirth-fell.livejournal.com]

You know, I'm trying *not* to draw spankbot!porn, and you're not making it any easier for me!

...wait, why *aren't* I drawing it?

[thete1.livejournal.com]

WHY INDEED.

[ladyvyola.livejournal.com]

Icon/keywords OTP!

[thete1.livejournal.com]

*ehehehee*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

As co-moderator for comics_fanart, it's my DUTY to encourage you to draw spankbot!porn.

[jamjar.livejournal.com]

once again, I am reminded that there's no crack like canon crack.

Though we do try our best...

The robot was not clearly programmed to stop at any point, and certainly not when either of them cried out, 'Stop!'


...and now I'm imagining Clark taking Dick to one side and telling him the (Kryptonian) safe-word.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

That's a delightfully dirty idea.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

BRUCE would...

[someinstant.livejournal.com]

...and somewhere beyond the humiliation and/or enjoyment, Ms. Lane is thinking in headlines:

CAPED WONDER OR KINK WONDER?
Superman's Lair of Sex Toys Revealed!

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::dies::

Clark will have to be pretty creative to dissuade her from pushing that scoop... maybe it's time for the Kiss of Forgetting?

[pikakao.livejournal.com]

Thanks for inspiring. XD Gosh. ♥

-Chien

[buggery.livejournal.com]

BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

::hugs you::

Now I almost *have* to get off my arse and make myself a website (in one of several places where I've been offered space) so that I can show that off. ::giggles:: So cute! And they have little logos on their shorts, that's beautiful...

Especial thanks for doing that with your hurty finger, too! ::kisses it better::

[pikakao.livejournal.com]

Awwww it's all better now that I've wrapped it in stuff. ::huggleluff:: Thanks so much, too. :) Hu hu hu.

And wow a website? You must! Then I can link you on my website. ♥

-Chien

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

You and Te are MENACES.

*giggles muchly*
*goes to bed with the mental image of Dick, Lois, and the Spankbot*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

We're much too giggly to be credibly menacing.

Heh. Hope you enjoyed having those images with you ...in bed.

[red-eft.livejournal.com]

Heh. Holy appropriate icons, Batman.

And really, who could refuse Superman anything?

Lois Lane, apparently, as Dick has now discovered to his chagrin and discomfort.

Hee. *love*
I adore this fandom so, so much.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

It'd be an even more appropriate icon if I'd used it with a Bruce/Dick spanking story. (Also, note the deeply INappropriate keyword in the alt text.)

I adore this fandom so, so much.

Gotta love it. What other fandom gives you so much canonical spanking?

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Hee, sort of! Only I think writing them concurrently makes a difference in terms of how each story (doesn't) influence the other. Not that we weren't chat-spamming each other as we wrote, but neither of us had a complete Dick/spankbot/Lois story to look at when we began writing.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

Aww, sharing experiences. That is so cute :)

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Eeheehee, glad you liked!

[flying-anteater.livejournal.com]

The robot was clearly programmed to be fair, as it was spanking them each in turn, and by the sound of it equally hard.

It is vitally important that the Supers remain fair in all things. It's part of their goody two shoes image

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::giggling:: It's true. Even when Clark is being Super-inappropriate, he has to do it the Right way...

[sharpest_rose.livejournal.com]

(sorry that this feedback's a week late. But better late than never, I figure.)

I love the blithe quasi-old-school tone of this. It makes the wacky hijinks both chuckle-worthy and deserving of an "oh, that's not right", while diminishing neither of these qualities by their proximity to the other.

Or, to be less Mary-ate-a-thesaurus: Spanking!

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Late is always preferable to never.

Yay! I was going for the old-school this-is-bizarre-but-all-a-day-in-the-superhero-life tone. Glad it came through, and worked for you. And spanking = always yay.