Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Sep. 19th, 2006 11:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
buggeryNothing in this post has anything to do with the subject line.
I have just finished eating a delicious sandwich for dinner, the contents of which I felt like sharing. (LJ still needs a Current food: notation on entries. I'm just saying.)
Sweet Muenster Sandwich
(If you want to use butter, spread it on your bread first.) Smear your jam or other fruit spread on one side of each slice of bread, nice and thick. (If you want to use cream cheese, spread it on over the jam on one slice, also nice and thick.) Lay your Muenster on the bread and close up the sandwich.
The easiest way to finish your sandwich is if you have a Foreman grill or a panini maker. You can also use a toaster oven if you have one. Or, you can fry your sandwich in a skillet or bake it in the oven (around 200F/100C), but be sure you butter the outside of the sandwich too, and cover the pan before and after flipping it, or wrap the sandwich in foil if it's going in the oven.
In other random things that make me happy today, Te recently acquired a copy of King Missile's "Gay / Not Gay." I'm a long-time King Missile fan anyway, but this one is special. Lyrics here:
Gay / Not Gay by King Missile
I saw an episode of The Jerry Springer Show, and the topic was "Transvestites and the Men Who Love Them." And the guy was on with his "girlfriend," and he was saying "To me, this is a beautiful woman. She's got a perfect body, beautiful blonde hair, everything. I love her, and I love making love to her. Now I ask you, does that make me gay?" Most of the audience thought so, and so did I. But it got me thinking about what is and isn't gay.
Discussing sex with a guy is gay. Discussing sex with a women is straight. Even telling a woman "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to suck a cock," is straight.
Sports are gay, especially contact sports, unless you're the only guy on both teams, in which case it's straight.
Gyms are always gay, because afterwards, in the locker room, you're showering with guys, and that is gay.
Watching pornography alone is neutral, like eating a sandwich. It is neither straight nor gay. Watching pornos with one or more other guys in the room, no matter how many other women are also in the room, is gay. Watching porn, even gay porn, with one or more other women only is staright.
Here's an interesting one: Kissing a gay guy on the cheek, or letting him kiss you on the cheek is neutral, as long as the guy is out of the closet. Hugging and/or kissing a straight guy is gay.
See, look, I know I'm homophobic, but not about gay guys. They don't bother me at all. It's straight guys who don't know they're gay... they fuck my shit right up.
Like a guy calls me up and says, "A bunch of us guys are gonna sit around in our underwear and watch the football game and drink beer and eat chips and, you know, maybe wrestle with each other, just us guys. You wanna come over?" And I'm like, "No."
Ok, you got a guy sucking your dick, even if he's dressed like a beautiful woman, even if he's got the best breast implants youv'e ever seen, even if you're saying to him "Suck it, bitch, I know you like it, you slut, you whore!" that's gay.
Conversely, if a woman straps on a dildo, and you're dressed like a woman, and you're sucking her cock, and she's saying, "You like it, don't you? You like sucking my dick you little fucking faggot," and then she rolls you over and fucks you in the ass and says "You love it you little pussy boy! You love getting fucked in the ass. I'll bet you wish I was a man! I'll bet you wish this was a real cock, you fucking faggot!" and you're getting off on this like you've never gotten off before, that's still straight.
But then, if you go off to the bar, and discuss this, or any other sexual experience with guys, that's gay.
Here's the most interesting one. Sucking a guy's cock can, under certain rare cirumstances, be staright. Let's say you've gotten into a betting game with a woman, and the bet is that whoever loses has to be the other's sex slave for an entire night... you know, the kind of stuff that happens in Penthouse Forum all the time. And you lose, and the woman makes you have sex with another guy. That's not gay. I don't know exactly why, but it isn't.
<333. Yarrr.
I have just finished eating a delicious sandwich for dinner, the contents of which I felt like sharing. (LJ still needs a Current food: notation on entries. I'm just saying.)
Sweet Muenster Sandwich
- Two slices cinnamon-raisin (or other sweet bread with fruits and/or nuts, but not cake-like) bread
- Spiced fruit spread (Apple butter is good,
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
basingstoke's home-canned spiced blueberry jam is awesome, as no doubt her gingered-cider jelly would've been if I hadn't mixed all mine in yogurt; tonight I used a spiced pear jam from the local farmer's market that has butter *in* it) - 1-3 slices Muenster cheese (depending on how thick yours is sliced and how gooey you like your sandwich)
- butter (optional)
- Cream cheese (optional)
(If you want to use butter, spread it on your bread first.) Smear your jam or other fruit spread on one side of each slice of bread, nice and thick. (If you want to use cream cheese, spread it on over the jam on one slice, also nice and thick.) Lay your Muenster on the bread and close up the sandwich.
The easiest way to finish your sandwich is if you have a Foreman grill or a panini maker. You can also use a toaster oven if you have one. Or, you can fry your sandwich in a skillet or bake it in the oven (around 200F/100C), but be sure you butter the outside of the sandwich too, and cover the pan before and after flipping it, or wrap the sandwich in foil if it's going in the oven.
In other random things that make me happy today, Te recently acquired a copy of King Missile's "Gay / Not Gay." I'm a long-time King Missile fan anyway, but this one is special. Lyrics here:
Gay / Not Gay by King Missile
I saw an episode of The Jerry Springer Show, and the topic was "Transvestites and the Men Who Love Them." And the guy was on with his "girlfriend," and he was saying "To me, this is a beautiful woman. She's got a perfect body, beautiful blonde hair, everything. I love her, and I love making love to her. Now I ask you, does that make me gay?" Most of the audience thought so, and so did I. But it got me thinking about what is and isn't gay.
Discussing sex with a guy is gay. Discussing sex with a women is straight. Even telling a woman "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to suck a cock," is straight.
Sports are gay, especially contact sports, unless you're the only guy on both teams, in which case it's straight.
Gyms are always gay, because afterwards, in the locker room, you're showering with guys, and that is gay.
Watching pornography alone is neutral, like eating a sandwich. It is neither straight nor gay. Watching pornos with one or more other guys in the room, no matter how many other women are also in the room, is gay. Watching porn, even gay porn, with one or more other women only is staright.
Here's an interesting one: Kissing a gay guy on the cheek, or letting him kiss you on the cheek is neutral, as long as the guy is out of the closet. Hugging and/or kissing a straight guy is gay.
See, look, I know I'm homophobic, but not about gay guys. They don't bother me at all. It's straight guys who don't know they're gay... they fuck my shit right up.
Like a guy calls me up and says, "A bunch of us guys are gonna sit around in our underwear and watch the football game and drink beer and eat chips and, you know, maybe wrestle with each other, just us guys. You wanna come over?" And I'm like, "No."
Ok, you got a guy sucking your dick, even if he's dressed like a beautiful woman, even if he's got the best breast implants youv'e ever seen, even if you're saying to him "Suck it, bitch, I know you like it, you slut, you whore!" that's gay.
Conversely, if a woman straps on a dildo, and you're dressed like a woman, and you're sucking her cock, and she's saying, "You like it, don't you? You like sucking my dick you little fucking faggot," and then she rolls you over and fucks you in the ass and says "You love it you little pussy boy! You love getting fucked in the ass. I'll bet you wish I was a man! I'll bet you wish this was a real cock, you fucking faggot!" and you're getting off on this like you've never gotten off before, that's still straight.
But then, if you go off to the bar, and discuss this, or any other sexual experience with guys, that's gay.
Here's the most interesting one. Sucking a guy's cock can, under certain rare cirumstances, be staright. Let's say you've gotten into a betting game with a woman, and the bet is that whoever loses has to be the other's sex slave for an entire night... you know, the kind of stuff that happens in Penthouse Forum all the time. And you lose, and the woman makes you have sex with another guy. That's not gay. I don't know exactly why, but it isn't.
<333. Yarrr.
