buggery | And then there was... hug pollen

Jean-Francois

cccarioca is too good to me, and made shiny fresh Batsmut earlier tonight.

I feel obligated to share the context, now. See, I have this new houseplant...

buggery: i have a new ficus, and it LOOOOOVES me...
cccarioca: *laughs* It does?
buggery: mmhm.
buggery: it likes to be hugged.
buggery: i think it may have some sort of ficus sex pollen. only, for hugging and warm thoughts, not sex.
buggery: sex with a ficus and a human would be uncomfortable all around.
cccarioca: *laughs* Hug pollen?
cccarioca: Yeah. definitely
buggery: yes! exactly.
cccarioca: That's a plot bunny waiting to happen. =)
buggery: made for the batfamily, really.

buggery: seriously. it's across the room, staring at me with its big green leaves, wanting me to come over and cuddle with it.
lcsbanana: *hee hee* what are you WAITING for?
buggery: the other ficus i had was also like this.
lcsbanana: don't leave it all alone!
lcsbanana: *AHAHAHAHAHA* YOU HAVE SLUTTY FICUS
buggery: hey, i already cuddled it like three times today.
buggery: no, just...
buggery: you remember there was that theory for a while that you should talk to plants, play music for them, etc., and they cared? it made them thrive or whatever.
buggery: most plants prefer not to be touched.
lcsbanana: Like my cat!
buggery: but this kind of ficus -- it's a shrubby variety, not like the one you see with three trunks braided together -- they want cuddle. you can FEEL it.
lcsbanana: *hee hee*
lcsbanana: you bought the NIGHTWING ficus!
lcsbanana: Ficuswing!
buggery:: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

cccarioca: *cackles* The trauma! Bruce can deal with crazy drugged sex, but hugging? he'd commit seppuku with a batarang.
cccarioca:
Bruce: *hugs* "I respect how assertive you are while still embracing your feminine side."
Helena: "It's one of you freaky mindgames, isn't it?"
Bruce *hugs* "We're all so proud of you, Wally. You're a great person and the best Flash there ever could be."
Wally West, terrified: "I'm dying, aren't I?"
Bruce *hugs* "I admire your zest for life and honesty!"
Oliver Queen: "Stop touching me!"
buggery: terrified: "I'm dying, aren't I?"
bahahahahaha that's EXACTLY what wally's reaction would be!
buggery: but ollie would throw a punch first.
buggery: bruce: *hugs* 'no father could ever be prouder of his son than i am of you.'
dick: *cries*
buggery: bruce: *hugs* 'having you by my side has made me a better batman.'
tim: *tranq-darts bruce*
cccarioca: *cackles* definitely
cccarioca:
Bruce: *hugs* "You are my best friend and the bestest superhero ever."
Clark: *hugs back* "Aaaaaaw. No, you are. I love you, man."
Bruce: *still hugging* "I love you too!"
buggery: ahahahahaha the one instance where hug pollen WOULD lead to sex.
buggery: bruce: *hugs* 'you're one of the strongest people i know, you've overcome so much, and what you do is indispensible to the entire crimefighting community.'
babs: 'this had better not be your attempt at sidestepping the apology you owe me.'
cccarioca: *laughs*

Bruce *hugs*
Catalina "Aww, that's sweet. Um ... Batman ... can't ... breathe ..."
Bruce *hugs harder*
buggery: even under the influence of the hug pollen, bruce wants to kill catalina for hurting dick...
buggery:

lcsbanana:

buggery:

lcsbanana:

buggery:

lcsbanana:

cccarioca: *cackles*
cccarioca: Exactly!
cccarioca: *JLA meeting*

J'onn *looks at the two of them*
Bruce *jumps to his feet* "There was no hugging! It was just base animal sex!"
Clark *looks stoically hurt*
Bruce *blushes, then stalks off*
Rest of the JLA *blink*
Kyle to Wally: "You owe me 20 bucks."
buggery: ahahahahaahaheeeee
buggery: the flash/gl bet is what puts that over the top into true brilliance.
buggery: mmm, base animal sex.
cccarioca: *grins evilly*

Bruce *hugs* "I respect your humor, your loyalty, your courage. People tell you'll make a great hero someday, but you already are."
Kon, laughing: "Wow! You are SO stoned."
Bruce *pets Kon's hair* "You're always so happy. I can see why Tim likes you."
Kon "Um ... thanks. Hands! Hand in naughty places!"
Bruce "Your skin is so warm ... and soft."
Kon "Wow, you really do have a thing for supers!"
Bruce *purrs*
Kon "Oh, what the hell. You'll kill me tomorrow morning no matter what. Let's make it count"
*Earth-shattering sex!*
buggery: ...bruce/kon.
buggery: YES PLEASE
cccarioca: ^_^ I'll write that PWP just for you!
buggery: okay!
cccarioca: I've been missing Kon anyway. =)

edited because pretty much all chatlog posts require the CRACK icon