"if you can't rape your wife..."

[buggery]

If you can't make fun of other people's fiction in polite society, what can you make fun of?

Is your own fiction fair game? But what if your fiction isn't any fun to mock?

There is a solution: Write your own badfic.


Beth: we could write badfic using badfic ideas. Lana starts selling ice cream at the talon, only to discover it's clark's spummoni flavored come

Jack: clark ejaculates ice cream? now there's a truly badfic idea.

Beth: well, they freeze it. prolly whip some air into it, so they can use more

Beth: and there could be a deep conflict. sugar cone, or cake cone?

Beth: and lex will save the day by buying a waffle cone maker

Jack: "and in parts 12 through 19 lex will come to terms with the cold sensation of clark coming, which is verrrry traumatic for him because blah blah badficcakes"

Jess: what's a cake cone?

J: ok i am now deeply disturbed

Beth: the regular type cone, flat bottomed one

Jack: the one that's flat-bottomed, jess

Jess: oh, ok

Beth: all the cones would of course, have a cherry on top

Jack: "by part 34 lex realises he can never go back to normal human sex, because in addition to being addicted to clark's sperm [sic], he is now grossed out by warm cum."

Beth: no, no.

Beth: that would be part 59

Erica has joined this chat.

Jack: "in parts 36 through 50, clark will lovingly and patiently convinve lex that his own warm human cum isn't gross to clark, and clark actually loves it very much."

Erica: jess says I have to be groggy and evil at the same time.

Jack: great timing, erica.

Beth: awwww

Fox: ERICA!

Fox: *pounce*

Erica: But I might not be very energetic about it.

Erica: *yawn*

Erica: *pounces fox lazily*

Beth: my toes are cold.

Beth: it's time to break out the fuzzy slippers

Jack: i'm trying to decide when and how the Obligatory Badfic Sexual Assault should take place.


If anyone wants to use any of these ideas, I believe they're all up for grabs... but be warned, they have been mocked in advance.

Comments

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Don't forget that Lex will cry a LOT during this dealing-with-cold-spoof process. He will do it publicly, in the Talon, while driving down the street, and in front of both the Kents and his father and all his employees at the plant.
Then, he will have a massive coming out party at his work where he tells everyone that he is gay and has learned to love Clark's icy frozen whip. All his employees will cheer and they will be so happy.

[rivkat.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to say, that picture scarred me for life. And possibly through to the next one.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Oh, RedK!Clark is so not a cherry.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

He is, too! Almiles says! Clark doesn't want to start anything because it will end badly! He said it!He knows casual sex, hot and gay or otherwise, will just end in people pointing and laughing at his big ugly scar!

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::laughing so hard tears are running down my cheeks::

Are you sure it's not Wild Cherry?

Also, I want your icon.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

And Jonathan will be vehemently opposed to everything, but eventually Martha will wear him down. Even he eventually has to admit that Martha's pies are better 'a la mode a la Clark,' as he smiles ruefully at his wife and says, "We all scream for ice cream!"

When they finally reconcile, Lex and Jonathan will hug, and they will both cry. And then Clark will reward everyone with a special new flavour, with Lex's help...

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Jonathan is always vehemently opposed but worn down by gay-loving mom Martha. Perhaps I should write a fic where the opposite is the case, just for a change.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

That has actually been done at least once. Damned if I can remember who wrote it or when or the title or anything, but someone on the TWoP recs thread ought to be able to hook you up.