buggery | All is Explained!

So last night, in chat, after talking about the trailer for this week's new ep of Smallville, revisiting the topic of Muppet slash at great (but here expurgated) length, sighing over the deliciousness that is Munch, frightening pauvre Jack with talk about zombies, speculating over the causes of Lionel's increasingly-poorly-groomed hair, pondering bizarre feedback messages, following a bizarre tangent from healthy food to decongestants-as-hallucinogens, previewing the spiffy new 404 page Livia made for the SSA, and weighing which were really the worst possible SV pairings, we returned to pondering what wonders and horrors the upcoming Smallville episode, "Slumber," might hold.

And then we were struck with a group epiphany:

Lyra: umm, are there bets on how *real* the scene is? Does anyone follow my train of thought
here?

Jack: ::looking::

Jack: ::waiting for page to load::

LaT: *nods at Lyra*

LaT: I have thoughts, yes.

Lyra: *G* as do I.

LaT: And I think they're headed in the same direction as yours.

LaT: ;-)

Lyra: *laughs* hive brain, hon

Caro: ah the porny hive brain

LaT: *nods*

Jack: maybe he has malaria!

LaT: Hee hee!

Lyra: *giggles*

LaT: That will be the all purpose answer, kids.

LaT: When the SV peeps do something whack, I swear, we should just start explaining it via malaria.

Jack: why is jonathan such an asshat? he has malaria.

Lyra: lol!

LaT: *snort*

Caro: *giggles*

LaT: Why doesn't Pete have any lines? He has malaria.

Lyra: why does Lionel not wash his hair? Malaria!

Lyra: hee!

Jack: why does lana wear colours that make her look so jaundiced? she is jaundiced, from the malaria.

Lyra: Pete. poor Pete

Caro: *pets pete*

LaT: *laughing*

Caro: i will give him lines

Caro: in my world

LaT: I lllove it.

Jack: why can't martha have children? malaria.

Beth: 'yay! quinine!'

Caro: aww martha

Caro: *sniffs*

LaT: That would be Pete's line, Beth.

Jack: where did nell disappear off to? malaria quarantine.

LaT: *nods at your wisdome*

Caro: why did whit die?

LaT: That's totally where Nell is.

Jack: like pete would have an actual line.

LaT: And whitney died of malaria, Caro.

Caro: he can pimp jack

LaT: In the jungles of, um, Canada.

Caro: the malaria doesn't affect the pimping

Jack: ::dies laughing at caro::

LaT: *laughs*

Jack: i need no pimp. the gay superheroes all have me on speeddial already.

Beth: lionel goes to wash his hair... BAM! Malaria

Jack: stupid lag

Jack: what made lillian's heart give out? malaria!

LaT: Why did Rachel go crazy and give Lucas up? Malaria!

Caro: why does lucas only have eyebrow?

Caro: malaria

Jack: how did julian really die? malaria!

LaT: *nods*

LaT: See, it all makes so much *sense* now.

Shellah: dude. i don't remember what time i have to be at my class tomorrow

Jack: why do al & miles think kk is so transcendently wonderful? malaria!

JC: doh

Shellah: 8? 8:30? *thinks*

LaT: You could not go and claim malaria.

Shellah: *laughs*

Caro: somehow i don't think it works so well outside of SV

Caro: *dies from cute*

LaT: But seriously, I think we've got our answers. Plot holes? Malaria at nefarious work.

LaT: at, even

Caro: so that's why helen suddenly decided to kill lex

Caro: malaria?

Shellah: *nods* very true. it explains *everything*

It was not long after that when I went to bed, so if there were any further revelatory insights, I missed it. But SV already makes so much more sense.