nothing deep here

[buggery]

Last fall, DC started putting out, at long last, a series of action figures based on Kingdom Come. True to Alex Ross's paintings, the figures are exquisite and detailed. I own the Batman and the Red Robin (Dick Grayson) figures, and between figure-Dick's ass and his obliques and his arms and his little painted long-lashed blue eyes... well, the thought of doing certain things with him has crossed my mind numerous times. He's been saved from ignominious treatment mainly by the logistical difficulty of cleaning an action figure's many joints and crevices afterwards.

Then, on a visit to my local comixshop a few weeks back, I saw this:

[the links just go to the images]



call 1-800-COMIC-BOOK (US & Canada) for a retailer near you, or buy your own figure online
Kingdom Come Flash stands 6" tall





"Lumina" and "Little Zinger" sold separately at Toys in Babeland
Lumina Wand is 6 1/2" long
also check out babeland.com's Ruby Vibe, the perfect accessory to complete your collection



In the spirit of healthy competition, and because I actually prefer to buy from them: Good Vibrations


Really, you can't make stuff like this up. Or, you could, but you don't need to.

Comments

[thornsilver]

Just because I am not particularily bright, what are those things?

[minotaurs.livejournal.com]

Perhaps even more appropriate....


The Devil's Tail.

[thete1.livejournal.com]

*AHAHAHAHAAA*

*AAAAAHHHAHHAHAAAAAAAA*

I mean... yes. STILL FUNNY. And WRONG.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Granted, context is always good.

The first picture is the Kingdom Come Flash action figure actually approved, produced and currently for sale by DC. (You can check out the way Flash was painted in the actual Kingdom Come miniseries here and here [far right].) Why they chose to interpret Ross's painting as a transparent figurine is beyond me.

The "Lumina," at left, is what's commonly referred to as a "non-realistic dildo" (meaning that no effort has made to mimic the anatomy of the penis; some so-called "realistic" dildos come in rather unrealistic sizes). The tip is curved for optimal g-spot or prostate stimulation.

The "Little Zinger" is a buttplug. The flared base is to prevent its getting away in there, and the ring-shaped handle is meant to make it easier to manipulate.

If you can't figure out what the "Ruby Vibe" is from the description at babeland, though, I'm not sure how I can help...

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::bows down before Minotaur's superiour knowledge of transparent red sex toys::

[buggery.livejournal.com]

::snugs you and joins in with the giggling::

[meret.livejournal.com]

I want to see Clark wearing one of those - made out of red kryptonite! *g*

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha!

This is amusing. I wonder if the resemblance is intentional or just subconscious on the part of the figure's designer.

[thornsilver]

Ok, this is all... cleared up. Though now I am stuck on the fanficcers tending to make Flash vibrate when he is excited... Emotionally excited! (You pervs, you!)

*Falls over. Dies.*

[thornsilver]

Appearently the first one is a dildo. Live and learn I always say. o_O

[meret.livejournal.com]

LOL! I found this fan art picture the other day. Now I know what it's based on. :)

http://www.angelfire.com/darkside/wolverine/images/flash.jpg

[some-stars.livejournal.com]

as I said--I've always thought of Flash as a walking sex toy, but I never took that extra *step.*

DC, as usual, takes it for me.

I love them *so much.*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

(Deleted post)

Aww. Deleted posts make me sad.

Live and learn I always say.

That's what 70s Porn Star Buddha always says, too. (Well, that and "If you fall on a sex toy in the forest, use it.")

::muttering "what would 70s Porn Star Buddha do?" under my breath like a mantra::

[buggery.livejournal.com]

make Flash vibrate when he is excited...

I'm not the one to ask, granted -- my grasp of Flashfamily canon is badly stunted compared to my grasp of, say, Batfamily canon -- but I believe the vibrating-speedster thing is actually canon. (And if it isn't, it should be...)

But, yeah. From vibrating speedsters (which is definitely canon -- Barry and Wally in particular are known for vibrating fast enough to pass through solid objects, thanks to DCU physics), it's not that far a leap to speedsters-as-vibrators. And from there to speedsters'-action-figures-as-vibrators... well, it was an obvious leap to me. Even without the red silicone.

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

*Gods*, I want that toy. Thanks for the lovelies, Jack. :)