buggery | Batman: Family -- not so much a review as lots of squeeing

Like the subject line says.

Batman: Family was an eight-issue miniseries that began the same month as the "Hush" storyline (in the ongoing Batman title). I failed to pick it up or read it at the time, but I got it off eBay recently and read it earlier this week.

Quotes and squeeage, minimally cleaned up from IM log, follow. There are some minor spoilers.

A description of our first glimpse of young Tim Drake, several pages into issue #1/8:

Jack: Tim, hanging upside down in the cave, his wrists, ankles and chest bound in CHAINS, contorting himself to pick the padlock fastening his ankles and play escape-artist, while carrying on a conversation with Bruce about recent activity by a new and unknown vigilante.
Jack: And, just to be redundant: You need these books.
Te: Hi, I'm Te's HAPPY GHOST because Te is DEAD
[Just to clarify, Tim is in his Robin tunic and leggings, bending backwards rather than forward, the lockpick in his teeth.]

Te: Just... who wrote that?
Te: That's so THEM.
Jack: umm... I could go look it up?
Jack: The series writer is John Francis Moore, now that I have one of the issues in front of me.

Jack: The individual issues are enormous, even though it's only 8 issues long.
[The first is an unusual 56 pages, though of course with the ads that works out to 39 pages of story. Issues 2-7 seem to be 48 pages each, yielding around 22 pages of story, while the "double-sized" conclusion is again 56 pages. Most continuing series issues, without backups, are a 32-page format.]

Jack: [the cover to issue #5/8]
Te: ...................
Te: Oh BABY

Jack: And now, an excerpt from the narrative boxes in that issue.
[Line breaks indicate separate narrative boxes, new IM lines indicate new panels.]
Jack: I've seen blurry video footage of the Gotham vigilante called Robin. It didn't do him justice.
Five foot nine. One hundred and forty pounds. He's probably no more than sixteen.
He moves with a gymnast's precision and confidence.
Jack: He confronts his attacker without fear or hesitation.
Jack: [over a panel of Tim GRINNING as he grabs the would-be mugger by the knife arm and the hair, and yanks him into a solid knee to the solar plexus]
He is unaware that knives are not the only weapons that his opponents carry.
Jack: The punk talks too much--
Jack: --and gives Robin a window of opportunity.
Jack: Clearly, this isn't the first time he's been threatened with a gun.
Jack: Robin reacts like a seasoned veteran of urban combat.
Jack: In some ways, he's a greater mystery than the Batman.
Why would a child choose this life?

[And shortly thereafter...]
Jack: ::DIES of CUTE::
Te: mm?
Jack: Tim is in this woman's apartment, trying to find out if she knows anything about the information her ex was killed for knowing. Her kitty is sniffing his boot.
Te: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Jack: Ooh, gadgetkink.
Woman: "Besides, I don't have a computer."
Robin: "Well, not to worry. I have one."
Woman: "Wow! What else you got in that belt?"
Robin: "A Swiss Army knife. A library card. Subway tokens. You never know what you might need."

Te: Oh my God. LOVE.
Te: He so totally DOES. And the library card is Alvin Draper's.
Jack: HEE bad guy comes in while Tim's still there -- he scoops up two kitties amd throws them at the guy's head.
Jack: It's an excellent tactic.
Jack: and KITTY POWAH
Te: *BAHAHAHHAHAA*

Te: Oh my God. I NEED THIS. And I need this guy on ROBIN
Jack: I'd take pretty much anybody [besides Willingham] on Robin at this point.
Te: *sigh* Yes.
Jack: Mr John Francis Moore also writes Steph well, despite her small role in this storyline. HE should've been on Robin, not Willinghamfucktard.
Te: *SIIIIGH* WANT-Y

Jack: BWEE! I love when this happens -- Bruce, Tim and Cass all over at Babs's for a briefing, and Dick on his way.
Te: MMMmmm. It's so TASTY
Jack: HEE. Of course it's TIM who asks whether and when Dick will be coming. [::cough:: Er, arriving.]
Te: I love this guy MORE AND MORE
Jack: I don't think I'm familiar with other of his work, but yeah.

Jack: NNNNNGHHHHHH
Te: mm?
Jack: Three panels of Babs with her legs taped together, working out on the rings -- and then dropping into Dick's arms.
Te: mmmrrrrrrrrrrrr
Te: Dick had to be... happy to see her. EEE.
Jack: They were carrying a conversation. I think that might be one thing that would get Dick to stand still.
Te: *laughs* Yes. Man. Now I want Dick watches Babs work out and tries very hard and only partially succeeds in not jumping her.
Jack: mmmmm, YES.
Meanwhile, Bruce just ran into Cris and Renee while out info-gathering as Matches Malone.
Jack: I'm kinda scared. I'm starting to find Matches attractive.
Te: *DIES*
Jack: I mean, those jackets! A high school guidance counselor wouldn't be caught dead in them.

Jack: Dick and Tim! BWEE!
Te: shaaaare
Jack: Dick's perched on a ledge, looking out through binox. Tim's approaching from behind him, vaulting onto the building Dick's on with a hand on a convenient chimney as a pivot.
Te: Wow. My mind just takes those sentences to a wonderful place. All that 'behind' and 'on' and 'hand'
Jack: ::dies::
Jack:
Dick: You're getting better. I didn't hear you until the mortar on that chimney crumbled.
Tim: One day I'm gonna get by you.
Dick: I'm sure you will.

Te: mmmmmmmmmmmm
Jack: ::COMES in PANTS::
Te: eeeeeeeeee
Jack: There's this panel... Tim is there because he's taking the shift after Dick on this stakeout. Dick comes up close to Tim to hand him the binoculars, puts his other hand on Tim's shoulder. It completely looks like he's about to lean in and KISS Tim.
Te: *bites LIP*
Jack: And Tim has the exact right stunned, horrified expression of "I know it's not what it looks like and I can't give away how much I want him!"
Te: *toes curl*
Jack: This panel needs to be an icon.
Te: *dies* I'd be ON it if I had it. *hee*
Jack: It's so. freaking. perfect.
Jack: It'll even crop nicely.
Te: *mmph*

Jack: iolyhfgju,kl
Jack: ::comes in pants AGAIN::
Jack: Cassandra. Performing CPR. On Dick.
Te: oh my

Te: I'm not going to bitch again about the lily-Whiteness of things. I'm just gonna say that it's nice to see a few different shades in Gotham.
Jack: Hey. Gotham capes come in four colours -- White, Asian, Gypsy and Irish.
Jack: And actually, there's a black chap who goes by Orpheus who's apparently allowed to operate in Gotham. He had his own miniseries -- Batman: Orpheus Rising [which I haven't read] -- and he's in Batman: Family, though I don't recall seeing him elsewhere. [As luck would have it, Orpheus will be guest-starring in the next two issues of Detective Comics, beginning next week with #794.]
Te: *makes note*

Jack: jhgchjklbgyuk ::pantsexplody::
Te: ...?
Jack: Bruce, Dick AND Tim in tuxes, with a side order of Babs and Cass in slinky gowns.
Te: Hello NURSE

On top of all that squeeage, there's a black woman as CEO of Wayne Enterprises, appearances by Dinah and Helena that set up subsequent events in Birds of Prey -- yes, unlike most miniseries, this one appears to be in-continuity -- a complex plot that doesn't collapse under its own weight, Bruce in both his Bruce Wayne and his Batman roles as well as interacting with his family and acknowledging them as such, a multi-cultural cast of new baddies who are numerous but not to the point of getting difficult to keep track of (and my money says we haven't seen the last of some of them), and even a possible motive beyond simple crime-of-opportunity for the murders of Thomas and Martha Wayne. I'm speculating there, but the set-up probably wouldn't be there if somebody didn't intend to come back and make use of it.

So, yeah. You need this book.