fanfic peeve of the week

[buggery]

Because I'm finding myself with plenty enough to gripe about at least once a week.

It's in the details, people:

Lex's desk is glass, not wood; it has metal legs and no drawers; it's really more of a table. The chair behind it is neither padded nor leather. These things are clearly visible in numerous episodes.

Or is there another show people are watching that I've missed out on? From the number of stories in which Lex swivels his leather desk chair for a blowjob, or Clark fetches lube out of the desk drawer, or someone gets bent over his heavy wood desk and grips the sides of it, I'm starting to wonder.

Comments

[happyminion.livejournal.com]

I think this is hiatus fever. Or I'm hoping it is, and that people aren't really going to stay in this kind of mood once the new season starts up in September. I mean, there are always going to be details that irk us in stories. Clark's eye color will never suit everyone and apparently neither will the furniture at the castle or whether or not it is a castle.

I really can't help but get annoyed by these kinds of comments. If I take the time to write a story that's good in characterization and to share it with the fandom at large, and the story itself works, then why on earth would someone pick it apart based on the scenery and props? It's just...frustrating. And luckily, Smallville has a huge fan base right now and someone is always submitting, or I think this kind of attitude would cause a resounding silence by way of story submissions.

Either that, or the good writers would just shrug and smirk and write their lube-in-the-wooden-desk-drawer-for-the-fuck-in-the-leather-chair stories and let you delete at will while the rest of us were happy campers.

Gah, and as for watching a different show that you're missing out on...the Smallville that I watch doesn't have Clark and Lex as lovers, but as a writer of slash, I take a few liberties with what I actually see on air.

Of course this entire point is moot if we are now considering props as canon.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Well, to me, the props around Lex (Lex in particular, though the same can be said for other characters too) are part of his characterisation. The heavy wood desk and expensive leather chair are stereotypical of what a rich and powerful man would be expected to have in his office, and so Lex's choice of furnishings that don't fit the mold seems that much more indicative of his personal quirks.

I find the desk in particular fascinating, because it's transparent; between the glass top and the narrow, bare-minimum legs, there's no way to hide anything behind or below it. Even the back of the chair isn't solidly opaque, and I suspect there's both substance and style to Lex's choice of these furnishings.

Would it honestly not jar you if, in an otherwise well-written story, Lex was drinking from a bottle of Evian instead of Ty Nant, or worse, chugging a 40? How about if the pool table in his library suddenly turned into a foosball table? Or if he drove up the Kents' drive in a Mazda Miata? Sure, I could believe any of these things of Lex, given appropriate set-up or explanation, but I'm not going to accept them as fitting the Lex we know without the author convincing me why I should.

Is every single prop important? Of course not. But neither are all props unimportant, to be discarded or altered at whim for no discernible reason.

Characterisation-via-props aside, getting unambiguous and obvious details wrong is just plain lazy. I hope I never see a story where Jonathan Kent (in anything other than an AU) has a profession other than farmer, or the Smallville High sports teams go by the name Smallville Sharks, or the town is located in Louisiana.

And I'm firmly of the opinion that it's never the wrong time to make your stories better. I'm as guilty of letting little things get by me in my fanfiction as any other writer, but I'd hate to see all the good writers in Smallville (or any) fandom up and decide that they don't need to be bothered using proper English, spelling characters' names right, or respecting the laws of physics and anatomy, so long as they're telling a good tale.

I empathise and agree with those who are weary of the recent debates over style. I'm not on any of the mailing lists myself, in part to avoid just such pointless kvetching, so maybe I'm not as sensitive to the concept of meta discussion at this point as some of my peers. But there's a world of difference between me saying "I don't like stories written in X tense or from Y POV or with Z pairing" and me pointing out flaws of storytelling that are being shared by multiple authors, which, if addressed, would lead to more enjoyable stories for everyone.

Also? I'm just really, really anal.

Re:

[happyminion.livejournal.com]

Well, to me, the props around Lex (Lex in particular, though the same can be said for other characters too) are part of his characterisation.

I hope not. His couch is really ugly. *g*

Jack, you are going to miss out on enjoying a lot of stories like this.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Jack, you are going to miss out on enjoying a lot of stories like this.

If I actually deleted (or in my case, just didn't finish reading) stories that bugged me in some way, yes, I'd miss out on a lot. But I do my level best to read everything that's posted to an archive, personal site or blog, and of the 1,000+ stories Smallville has thus far spawned, I've only stopped reading 2 or 3 because they were so bad. (That's not counting stories so illegibly formatted I couldn't read them, but even those aren't enough to bump me into double-digits, IIRC.)

I can put up with a lot -- and as someone who notices every misspelled word and misplaced punctuation mark, I do, whether I'm reading fanfiction or mainstream publications -- while still enjoying a story, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated, or that I don't notice the same errors spreading from author to author. If nobody points things out, like the fact that one "reigns over" but "reins in" (to use a recent example addressed by someone other than me), lots of writers will never realise that they're making a mistake, and it will just be perpetuated.

And yes, the couch is ugly. (You're referring to the yellow leather one with the metal trim?) I haven't made my mind up what I think yet about why he'd pick such an ugly thing, or whether it's one of the furnishings that came with the castle.

[lexcorp-hope.livejournal.com]

I don't dispute what the desk is, but I do dispute the fact that it says anything about Lex. He's mentioned more than once in the canon that the castle is his father's, the furnishings are his father's, and he really doesn't care what happens to them. Lex's cars, Lex's Ty Nant bottles, Lex's clothes, those are all things he's chosen for himself. We haven't seen his bedroom yet, and that's the one room in the manor that I'd expect to actually reflect Lex's tastes. The only thing that desk and the ugly couch tell us is that Lionel (or Lillian, or the designer they chose) has chaotic, modernist tastes.

[eleanorb.livejournal.com]

See, I'd think of the desk as Lex's choice rather than his father's. It's ultra-modern European style. Just the sort of thing I'd expect a thrusting young exec to have. :-)

[lexcorp-hope.livejournal.com]

Oh, it could be Lex's desk. (Just like it could be Lex's couch, for all we know. Heh.) All I'm saying is that since the castle doesn't belong to Lex, and he's mentioned canonically that the things in it are his father's, we can't use the desk (or the couch, or the oval, full length mirror, or the ugly orange and blue enema-shaped pottery art in the window) as a basis for Lex's characterization. The stuff ON the desk is a different matter entirely.

[eleanorb.livejournal.com]

You're right, that pottery is disgusting :-) Really I was just looking for an excuse to say thrusting young exec :-)

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

I think another important issue here is to consider just for a moment what you'd be thinking whilst reading a fic where Lex fucks Clark/Whitney/Chloe/the milkmen on his glass desk.

I don't know about you but I'd be seriously worried about that thing breaking and whilst Clark wouldn't be hurt can you imagine explaining *that* trip to the emergency room ???

Not that I always look at inanimate objects and consider what it would be like to have Lex fucking on them. I swear I don't... I think that about animate objects too *eg*

As perpetrator of said heinous crimes, fic-related not desk-fucking related, although... well this isn't the place for those ramblings, I tend to view some details as not entirely important in the overall scheme of things. It's very easy to lose sight of what's important when wondering about Lex's office furnishings, or whether the castle is in fact a castle at all...

IMO.

Maybe I need to add an inanimate-objects disclaimer on anything I write. Warning, some of the furniture is AU and may or may not have appeared in Smallville.

An extreme example I know but I think it illustrates the point I’m attempting to make. To me this is more a matter of expediency than a matter of laziness. Having Lex take lube from a drawer is certainly preferable to having it magically appear?

Or maybe I need to spend more time focusing on what’s important ???

[lexcorp-hope.livejournal.com]

Could you be more specific? Into what might this young buck exec be thrusting? Tell me more. *drool*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

he's mentioned canonically that the things in it are his father's

Yes, and I'm sure that's true of most of the furnishings in the castle; after all, we see dustcloth-draped furnishings in the pilot. It just seems like Lex's choice to use that table as his 'desk' -- whether it was already in the castle or he had it brought in -- would be Lex's choice. If nothing else, Lionel strikes me as a massive-wood-desk kinda guy.

Does anyone think the pool tables aren't Lex's?

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Ack! I never meant to imply that they should be fucking on the glass table! Definitely too much risk of accidental evisceration there. (Against it still works. Ahh, Kinetic. Turn around, Lex...)

I'm just saying, if you want the boys bent over some massive piece of furniture, gripping the sides... there's a pool table right there. And it only takes a moment for you (general you writer, not anyone you in particular) to put that lube in the cabinet behind the desk, or in the sideboard the liquor sits atop, or in a hollowed out book on the shelf... see, it's even fun playing hide-the-lube. Also, there's always spit.

[eleanorb.livejournal.com]

I'm easy. Just as long as it's not that awful pottery :-)

Re:

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

Also, there's always spit.

I hope you're not suggesting Lex hides that in a hollowed out book on the shelf ??? *BG*

[lexcorp-hope.livejournal.com]

I don't think they are. I think he likes having them around, and he obviously uses them, but I don't think they actually belong to him. Of course, I have no evidence one way or the other, but I can't imagine Lex's place in Metropolis having a pool table. He uses it more as a tool than a toy, something to put between himself and the people around him, a focus and a physical manifestation of his mood.

And I'll give you a card on it saying something about Lex that he continues to use the glass table as a desk. What, I don't quite know though. It's late and I used up all my intelligence arguing morphology with Jen. *grin*

[buggery.livejournal.com]

Nah, the hollowed-out book is for the fancy lube he has imported from Japan. The spit he mostly 'hides' up Clark's ass.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine Lex's place in Metropolis having a pool table.

Prolly not, but that doesn't mean Lex didn't just buy them specifically for the castle. (I really should go check my tape of the pilot and see if there was one hiding under a sheet during the fencing match with Heike.)

I haven't decided what 'something' I want to read into the glass desk, either... partly because there are so many possibilities, many of them complementary. There's definitely a conceit there, though, if a subtler one than Clark's telescope.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

That's not pottery, it's glass.

Have I mentioned I'm anal?

[eleanorb.livejournal.com]

Whatever - it's all ghastly.

Actually in Kinetic there's an awful china vase/urn too, further off to the left.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

You mean the antique Chloe uses to distract Clark while she sneaks off?

[eleanorb.livejournal.com]

Ummm...the one in this (http://www.lexslash.com/scaps/pages/Kin15.htm) pic